Foamy's Rant III
Episode 45 Foamy's sick of reality TV as it is, so he invents The Snuff Channel. Cast (in order of appearance): Series: Foamy's Rant → Foamy's Rant II → Foamy's Rant III → Foamy's Rant IV → Foamy's Rant V Transcript {A moon-lit night is shown. Foamy appears.} Foamy: How about this.... Stop with the fucking reality shows. I am so sick of this fucking bullshit with the fucking fake-ass marraiges for money, the munchkin bachelor shit, and anything that has to do with greedy motherfuckers who will degrade themselves for cash. And that "Simpleton Life" with the "French Hilton" bitch and that other illigitimate whore. How come these dumb bitches didn't get trampled by fucking cattle on that farm? I'm so sick of some psuedo-attractive bimbo selling her soul because she's fucking stupid. You want reality? How about a reality show where you oil up that Hilton bitch, {holds up a sign showing a picture of an oil can "+" a picture of "French Hilton"}, and throw her naked ass into an all male jail cell filled with serial killers and sadists. {holds up a sign showing "French Hilton" being thrown while naked into a prison} Give them a bunch of twelve-inch sharp objects and let 'em loose. Yeah. Welcome to reality! And don't give me that "you're so cruel" bullshit. Not only would you have a reality show that people would actually want to watch, but you also have a geat start for a series on an all new network called The Snuff Channel. {holds up a sign reading "The Snuff Channel" then "(You Pick 'Em We Kill 'Em)"} The whole channel would be dedicated to the elimination of a fucking moron, every half-hour! I would be personally involved in every show and would work overtime to ensure that forty-eight idiots were removed from society every day. See, I have ideas. Oh, and this fucking "Fearie Factor" bullshit. {sarcastically} Oh, woopdee-doo. Eat a bunch of liquified rats and we'll give you three-thousand dollars. I'm so sick of these shows that try to induce fear. You want to see fear? How about I sit your fucking contestants in a small room and chain 'em down naked into metal chairs that are wired to a heating system? What you do, is then you turn up the heat slowly over a thirty-two hour period, {holds up wrist with a watch attatched to it} slowly increasing the amount of heat conducted through the metal chairs until it's as hot as a branding iron. {holds up steaming branding iron with "FOAMY" engraved on it} And once they've passed out due to the extreme pain brought about by a thirty-two hour {holds up watch again} burning flesh fest, hang 'em on a wall by their arms, in a room where the only visible thing is a sign that says "You have this much time left to live:", with a countdown underneath, starting at twenty-four hours and counting down by the second. So now they've got to hang there, just watching the clock.... Wondering what's going to happen.... How are they gonna die.... Will it be worse than the heating chair?.... No one knows.... Once the clock gets down the final seconds you turn on the lights and yell "Surprise!". And if they don't die of a heart attack, you hit 'em in the face with a large pie. {holds up pie, then throws it over his right shoulder} Sit back, all laugh, pretend it's all a joke. Lull them into a false sense of security by saying "You've won ten million dollars!" {holds up money}. Then take out the razors and salt. You put one cut on their body, {holds up blade} two inches long, every fifteen minutes. And then hire some toothless bum {holds up a picture of a "bum"} to slowly tear open the wounds with his filthy fingernails while pouring salt in the cuts at the same time. I could go on, but I think that's a little too much reality for some of you. And I don't want to hear about "how sick and twisted the ideas and concepts are in this cartoon". You don't like it, too bad. If television had some decent shows to occupy and entertain my mind, I wouldn't have such demented thoughts. So, it's your fault, not mine. Welcome to reality TV, assholes! {The Ending screen appears.} Fun Facts Real World References *"The Simpleton Life" is a reference to The Simple Life, a Fox reality series that juxtaposes two young, wealthy urban socialites, Paris Hilton, heir to the Hilton Hotel fortune, and her friend Nicole Richie, adopted daughter of singer Lionel Richie, with the people and the values of varied environments. *"French Hilton" is a reference to Paris Hilton, a celebrity from the United States and an heiress to the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as her father's real estate fortune. *"Fearie Factor" is a reference to Fear Factor, an American stunt/dare reality game show originally created by Endemol Netherlands and first aired on June 11, 2001. *Foamy's idea of the events on The Snuff Channel are reminiscent of Saw, a 2004 thriller/horror movie, directed by James Wan and co-written by Wan and Leigh Whannell. External Links *Watch "Foamy's Rant III"